Ok, so there's a few things that bother me with this track.
First off are the drums; often times they sound random simply for the sake of randomness, which isn't really pleasant to listen to. I'd recommend at least keeping the kick and the snare relatively the same, since they're pretty much the anchor to your entire beat. The hats can be messed around with a lot more since they're less important to the rhythm of the track. Further, the drums take up a huge frequency space, causing the other instruments to take a back seat to them. Lastly, I think the drums have just a tad to much high end.
The second thing that bothers me are the melodies; they don't sound like they're staying in key (unless you're working with the chromatic scale, but that's rarely every used for melodic purposes). I'd suggest studying up on some music theory and trying to work with chords and the likes, as, just like the drums, the melodies sometimes seem to go random just for the sake of being random.
Lastly, I don't think the composition of the track justifies it being as long as it is, as there aren't a whole lot of new elements introduced throughout the track.
Overall, I can see the idea you were going for, but the execution lacks. Nothing a little practice can't fix though. Keep on trucking, and hit me up in a year or so to show me how you've improved!